First, I want to lay some honesty on you - my eating has sucked this weekend. I haven't been overly gluttonous, but I did eat more sweets than I have the past five days combined. And now I feel overly full and lethargic. With a bit of a stomach ache. A good reminder on how important it is to make good choices.
On a related (to TTC) note, R completely blew my mind AGAIN. He usually checks my blog once a week and gets a feeling for where my head has been at. We had a moment alone together Friday night and he asked a few questions about the monitoring options that my coordinator is discussing. I was expecting that he would argue that the monitoring would swing things too far in favor of a pregnancy and would want to keep things low tech. Surprise, surprise! He thinks that ultrasound monitoring is a great idea! This man is shocking me left and right!
Speaking of shock, we spent the weekend jolting each other with the idea that, by this time next year, we could have a three-month-old. Those conversations are accompanied by simultaneous groans, smiles, and laughter. I love where we are right now... I never expected that we would get to this place. It is wonderful to feel in synch again!
In church this morning, both our worship leader and the pastor referenced Ephesians 3:20:
I've been praying for this for years. For R and I to try for another child. But I didn't think it could actually happen. I have seen the Lord work miracles in R's and my relationship before; I
don't know why I doubted Him except that I doubted whether or not more
children was His Will or my own.
And, yet, here we are. Preparing to expand our family. I can't believe it. When I remember all those days, wanting another child so much but not clearly hearing God's will. Wanting my husband and marriage to be at peace and to honor God while feeling this hole in my heart. The silent, longing prayers offered up to the Lord with tears, not knowing what to ask for...
I am in awe of this Great, Powerful God. And so, so thankful for how He has answered my prayer. Not with another child but with R and I coming together on this decision.
Our BSF lesson this week focuses on Genesis 15. One of the questions asked: If God said, "I am your very great reward" to you today, what would you ask from Him?
In Genesis 15, it refers to the promise of a child to Abram/Abraham despite IF and old age. Which rings a bell, certainly. But my answer was simply: Peace. I want peace more than anything else.
Here we are, one week out from the very surprising conversation with R, and the freakouts have been many. But R is comfortable with the cycle working and I am comfortable if it doesn't. We are both excited to put the topic to rest and to enjoy whatever result the Lord brings our way.
We have found our way to Peace. I am so incredibly grateful.
Thank you, Lord, for your enduring love and faithfulness. Thank you for the miraculous ways you work in my life. Thank you for bringing R and I together on TTC. Thank you that I can trust you at every turn. Thank you for your peace, which surpasses all understanding. You are good. You will always be good.