i has a sad

I got totally sad around Noon today and haven’t been able to shake it off. My former boss, who has become a good and special friend, is leaving the company. She and I spoke about it in depth last week but I think it’s just now starting to sink in how different things will be without her.

She has become a professional mentor, stand-in mother, and the one person in the office with whom I can speak about spiritual things. Any time I have brought up possibly leaving this company, R has been quick to point out that I would be leaving her, too, and that relationships like ours don’t come around every day. She and I would end up spending a couple of hours together each week and that time has meant the world to me. It was often business related but during the course of each conversation we would end up sharing about sermons or recipes or parenting thoughts or just trading anecdotes during the conversation. She was the third person I called after my diagnosis this past summer, right after R and my mom, and I texted her on the way home from the hospital. She is just so special!

I interviewed with her over two years ago, the first of a group of four, and by the end of the interview she and I knew we wanted to work together. We hit it off immediately! And when I was hired, I was a part of a rather exclusive group because I reported to her. Although my direct supervisor changed this past spring, I was one of the few people who was still able to provide support for her programs. That distinction will be going away, too.

I think that’s another part of it. The past couple of months around the office have been difficult, with layoffs and reorganization. So many offices are dark now... Everyone is feeling edgy and wondering if it could be their last day. With her, I had a sneak peek into the pipeline and would have advance notice if I was being let go. Now I’ll have zero visibility, just like everyone else.

I’ve never been great at being just like everyone else. My professional and personal relationship with her made me feel special. I’m worried about how long I’ll enjoy working here and how long it will last with her gone.

Today, I’m thankful for RC. You have been a light in my life and I hope we do stay in touch!