ICLW and an Introduction

Welcome, ICLW-ers! I’m so glad you’re here! Let’s get to know each other better, hmm?

The Players

dspence: that’s me! A thirty-something former egg donor, healing from a divorce and nurturing a new marriage. I am mother to one little girl, step-mother to two teenage boys, and want just one more to call my own. I am growing in my Christian walk, trusting the Lord to help heal my heart and family.

R: my guy! He’s in his late forties but don’t let that fool you – he still has plenty of fight left in him. His boys are teenagers now and he got a vasectomy a few years back. He loves to get dirty and work outside. R is an amazing father and loving husband. Although our story isn’t pretty, God is full of grace. He is a relatively new Christian and is growing closer to the Lord daily.

Little K: my girl! She is an absolutely fantastic, spirited, energetic, precocious almost-seven year old. She feels things very deeply and is still healing from the divorce. She lives with us in the country and happens to be visiting her father for Christmas right now. She has a big heart and loves all of the members of her new family. She loves Jesus, reading, and her kitty.

SSA: my youngest stepson, age 14. He was raised by his father, R, for ten years before deciding to live with his mother. He tried that for six months, moved back in with us for two years, and has now moved back in with her. Although he has acted without malice, a lot of the conflict our family is experiencing right now stems from SSA's decisions. We’ll be picking him up on Saturday to spend Christmas with us. Proud to say that he knows the Lord.

RJR: my oldest stepson, age almost-17. Full blood brother to SSA, he was raised by their mother. He is planning on joining the Naval Academy after high school and wants to be a naval aviator. We’ll find out on Saturday if he’s going to spend Christmas with us. He is a good kid – great grades, football star, big plans for his life. We are still praying for his salvation and God’s protection during his spiritual journey.

The Situation

When R and I got married, neither one of us wanted more children. But all that changed once I saw what marriage and partnership-parenting was supposed to be like. You can learn more here. Eventually, I prayerfully submitted to my husband’s desire to get a vasectomy and walked away from family building for two years. During that time, I had the opportunity to anonymously donate gametes six times to eight families. Through helping others grow their families, it became clear to me how much I wanted another child to call my own. I started this blog to begin processing these thoughts and feelings.

Through prayer, conversation, and compromise over the past year, R and I have come to a tentative agreement to attempt a single at-home insemination cycle with donor sperm. I have been temping and charting for three cycles with another full cycle to go before The Big One.

With a 15% chance of success at best, we are trusting God’s plan for our lives with this attempt. R is working on accepting the possibility of success (is concerned that he doesn’t have the stamina and patience for another child); I am working on accepting the more realistic possibility of failure (my overriding concern is about the weight of regret in my life if we don’t try at least once).

Through every step of this journey, we are loving each other and focusing on the truth:

God is good. He will always be good.