Thursday, February 2, 2012

Update: Again, Some More

Always drama at the spence house, huh? When faced with ALL OF MY CRAZY yesterday afternoon, R called the lab to clarify the report. Apparently, even one sperm at 30 months post-op if enough to concern the doctor who performed R’s surgery. The main comment that sticks with me is this: it is possible for one or two to get hung up in the works, which is why they do two counts post-op but at 30 months, we should be at a true zero.
I know what some of you may be thinking: dspence, ONE FREAKING SPERM is not a big deal. A healthy sample will include 20 to 150 MILLION per ml. At 1.5 to 3 ml per ejaculation, we’re looking at 299,999,999 MILLION sperm ABSENT.
And you are right. R is effectively sterile and the chances of conceiving are literally 1 in 300 MILLION. Conceiving would be an actual Act of God.
But you know what? I believe that God is real. Which means that Acts of God are real. We’ve been operating at Act of God status for the past two and a half years and dspence is OFICIALLY OVER IT.
I need to be in a place where my period being late or a bout of nausea does not immediately make me OMG PREGNANT.
And, believe me, R needs a wife who doesn’t do that, too.
Long story short (really long story, ya’ll, see: ALL OF THE CRAZY YESTERDAY AFTERNOON), the doctor has asked for a second sample to review. Drop off is 8:30 AM Friday and we will have results no later than 9:30 AM.
Please, oh please, oh please be zero. I need this to be over.

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