Shh!

You want to know a secret? I really hope it worked. Shocking, I know!

Today I began crafting a post to put up when my period arrives in eight days. A post to say goodbye to my child. A post to say goodbye to the family I have wished for. I told the child about its sister, father, brothers, and grandparents… All of the people who would have known and loved it. I started trying to accept that the symptoms are all in my head and that it is truly time to say goodbye. That the one was from unclean lab equipment and not from R.

But I hope I don’t have to post it. Instead of a goodbye, I want to post a hello. I want to post a SWEET HOLY MOTHER IT WORKED. I want to post a “child how I have longed for you.” A “how I can’t wait to meet you.” A “how our world will never be the same.” A “welcome to our family.”

I want it to work.