Thursday, April 4, 2013

CD19: Dosing Up on Clomid and Hope

Well, my first dose of Clomid has come and gone and I'm feeling okay so far. I took a look at the bottle I was given and it appears that I'm on 100mg daily for five days, of which four remain. No side effects so far except for a very sore neck and swollen glands under my jaw. I think I'm coming down with a cold. Ugh.

I was in shock yesterday. When I wasn't laughing at the absurdity of a girl who has donated 170+ eggs but can't seem to make one on her own, I kept repeating: 

This wasn't how I thought the morning would go...

By the time we pulled back into the driveway yesterday, I was done. I was frustrated and even a little angry - at myself, at my body, at the vasectomy... All of it. I was angry that, after everything that has gone down - all the egg donations, three years of compromising and negotiating about TTC, losing my job, the delay in cycling, having to forgo IVF, the higher cost of every appointment we've had - that here I am. Unable to ovulate on my own and taking Clomid.


Sorry, I'm still getting over that.


I was so upset that I went inside, strapped on the gloves, turned up the beat, and spent 30 minutes wailing on my birthday present.

Isn't she pretty?

By the second song, my heart rate was well up. By number three, I was getting winded. And by number four, a space started to clear in my head for the Lord to begin to work. The space that told me that this wasn't the end. That reminded me of all the ways we've seen God work in our lives. That He can, will, and HAS done exceedingly abundantly more than anything we can ask or imagine.

By the end, I was hanging on the bag with my head against the canvas, breathing deeply. I can do this. We can do this. HE can do this.

I'm doing a little better today. I have a few scabs on my knuckles and an ache in my shoulders but I feel like I've passed a test. We're still moving forward and I'm working hard on regaining the peace I felt earlier in the week. In my lighter moments, I smile and remember my friend's words. It definitely feels like we're on that track right now.

Although we are still 11 days out from ovulation instead of two, we are still counting down. Four days left of Clomid, nine days until our next follicle scan. Hopefully just three-to-four weeks from welcoming a new life into our hearts and nine months from welcoming it into our family.

It's only my plans that have been interrupted, not His. How wonderful to know that I serve a Living God who doesn't hold my anger against me but, instead, uses it as a tool to draw me closer to Him.

Even in the storm, God is still so very good.


  1. Your unwavering faith is beautiful :)

  2. Love this: "It's only my plans that have been interrupted, not His." And love you.

  3. I'm excited for you! Hoping that the "better" feelings of today carries you all the way through clomid!

  4. Hoping that you have plenty of follicles

  5. This is great. And I'm impressed with how long you can box for! I have yet to turn on music while I attempt to punch, but I'm guessing I would barely last through the first chorus! :)

  6. Your posts are so encouraging! Ephesians 3:20!!! Cling to that hope!

  7. This post was such a blessing to me, such an encouragement. Thank you.

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  9. Sometimes it's so frustrating and ironic to realize how much time and effort we spent prior to TTC trying not to get pregnant, or helping someone else, only to find out that we can't get pregnant when we finally feel ready. I peeked ahead to your current posts, and I'm so glad that you were successful!

  10. Very beautifully said. Even tho I am not religious myself, I always find such faith inspiring.