Just placed the least sexy Amazon order ever: Depends (in two absorbancy levels), giant postpartum pads, and disposable waterproof mats, like the kind you put out for puppies. I'm so hot, it's disgusting.
The good news is, I also ordered the essential oils I need to combine with witch hazel to make my own bottom spray and homemade tucks. Oh yeah, you love it. *sigh* I remember pregnancy feeling much more glamorous the first time around... Ah, the joy of naivety.