Slowly but surely, we are counting down the days to our IUI. I've had moments this past week when I've been SO excited. And moments when I'm back to quiet.
The reality is that we're only doing this once and going very low tech for a one-time shot. I've seen the Lord do some amazing things for us on our TTC journey. He has provided unity where there was polarization. He has provided funds where there were none. He has provided two parents who work from home.
Part of me feels that, to have seen God work in such amazing ways, He must be preparing us for a positive result. We specifically prayed that, if we were to have another child, we both wanted to work from home in order to avoid daycare. And then, He provided! That must mean the IUI is going to work! And then, when it became clear that an IUI was in our future and we were short $500, He provided again! That must mean it's going to work!
Because that's how life goes, right? People get pregnant with their first treatment, go on to have uneventful pregnancies, healthy babies, and basically life is beautiful. Right??
But then I remember that I'm not God. I see my present reality and maybe a little bit into the future; He sees all of it. The whole picture, the map of our lives, is laid out in front of Him.
Maybe He provided these funds simply so we can lay this subject to rest. Maybe He provided me with a work from home job because R will get a new job that will require him to be back at an office. Maybe He provided the job just so R and I can have more time together. Or maybe it's to prepare us for something completely unexpected...
I can't wait to see what He has in store for us.