Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hard Days, Hopeful Nights

Things that make me feel warm and fuzzy:
·         A hot cup of coffee
·         A class of berry iced tea
·         Giving away extra fair tickets
·         Cuddling Little K
·         A new, old book
Things have been... tiring here the past few days. Several associates were laid off last Thursday and more are expected this week. Little K has been complaining of a stomach ache the past two days. R’s professional opportunity is still in limbo. We are having a difficult time seeing eye-to-eye on SSA’s living arrangements. And, of course, there is the ever present elephant in the room.
We are definitely feeling the effects of several tough days. I would like to find a way to recapture some of the joy in our life together. Maybe it’s a family walk this evening. Maybe it’s taking R and Little K bowling or to a movie this weekend. Maybe it’s playing cards tonight by the fire. I would say that intimacy would help but it’s hard to get in the mood when we’re both so stressed.
I have been praying this morning for R to experience God’s love, joy, and peace today.
I would like to do something today that will bring R joy and show him how much he means to me. I’m not sure yet what that is… He’s not the kind of guy you bring flowers to, you know? I would offer to handle the dishes tonight but he has said many times that washing the dishes calms him in the evenings. I already folded all of the laundry yesterday. Maybe I’ll clean the house tonight; a clean home seems to lift his spirits. And perhaps a new dessert.
In other news, my chart is cashews right now. I am currently on CD11 and have been in a foul mood since two days before my period. I rarely experience PMS anymore and certainly not for this long, so it's really throwing me for a loop. My coverline temp was 97.3 last cycle; my temp for the past five days has been 98.1+. What even? I am beyond confused at this point. The only change has been that we’ve stopped sleeping with the fan on at night but I hardly think that would effect my temp so much!
It does seem silly to still be charting. I am still in “no baby” mode after this last period and R’s stress about SSA has turned “maybe” back into “no”. Combined with my professional opportunity going bye-bye last week, the current uncertainty at my workplace, and this whole SSA debacle, it would certainly take a God-size event to make a change.
My weight loss is continuing to go well. I had unknowingly upped my carbs last week, so everything platued for a few days. But I made some adjustments and it's starting to go down again. Currently down 9 pounds from when I started three weeks ago! I wonder if the change in carbs/weight is effecting my temp?
I submitted my post for the 2012 Crème de la Crème yesterday. It was a difficult decision. Last year’s Crème was basically the whole reason I started my blog. I already had the journal entry written and, when I heard about Crème, I knew I wanted to start a blog so I could submit the post. In the end, this year’s submission doesn’t even touch on infertility. Instead, it’s about God’s grace. I hope that, when the list is published, the post touches someone’s heart and helps them recognize God’s hand in their own life.
Finally, please offer your support to Hapa Hopes who had her third transfer and third negative. I am so, so sorry Lisa.
Lord God, make your presence known to all who are hurting today. Help us to experience Your love, comfort, and peace. Help us to draw close to You, hearing reminders of joy and hope for the future. In Your Powerful Name I Pray, Amen.

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