Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Letting it All Hang Out

Three FIVE good things:
·         Little K is rocking both gymnastics and first grade.
·         R decided to join the men’s BSF group!
·         We found a church that we really like that’s only 20 minutes from home!
Things that are on my mind:
·         My sister is having a girl.
·         IF from my work had her baby girl over the holiday weekend.
·         My other coworker’s baby girl turned three months over the holiday weekend.
I am officially obsessed with having a baby boy. Which is weird for me; I am an all-girl mommy. But I really, really want to have a boy right now. I think it’s that I no longer feel unique in my circle. All of my friends are having babies (I’m no longer the only mom) and they are all having girls. I want to be a mom again and I want to feel special. Not that I’m pregnant. Not that R has agreed to even try.
Other things on my mind:
·         The sperm donor process is more expensive than I expected. I really thought shipping was included in the price I was originally quoted! It looks like it will cost us $1200 per cycle (two vials) including the OPKs.
·         Still less than IVF, though.
·         The fertility rep at my office told me she would get my ganirelix and follistim covered in full if we did IVF to the tune of $2000 in savings, knocking shared-IVF down to $10K.
I am so grateful to know that there are people who care about us, especially in this industry. We have already seen a savings by our clinic submitting the cryobank information free of charge. And now free meds for IVF! It would be nice to be able to have a child genetically related to R but $10K is just not available to us, whether cash or loan. Again, not that R has agreed to try.
And a few more:
·         I’m charting for the first time and my cycle looks really weird. I’m nice and even for a few days then see a rise, a HUGE dip, and then back to normal – all within the first two weeks and with no CM to speak of. My cycles are usually 5 weeks and my CM doesn’t kick up until week three. What even?
·         My weird temps and the freakishly short bleed this month have me concerned that I may not be ovulating on a regular basis.
·         The cryobank doesn’t have any kind of payment plan, so I haven’t been able to lock down our donor vials yet.
·         Shared-IVF is only an option until the end of the year, January 2013 at the latest, before I age out of the program.
·         And, of course -say it with me- R hasn’t signed on for any of this.
One more:
·         R feels bad that he can’t give me what I want, which is his agreement about having another child. He feels bad about that and I feel bad for making him feel bad.
I remind him daily that, when it comes down to the wire, I am happy being his wife and Little K’s mom. That’s all I need. Anything else is just a bonus.
So, while Little K was home sick on Friday, I obviously spent the day feeding her popsicles and picking out baby boy gear on the T.arget website. Cause, you know, that’s what you do when you’ve lost your mind.

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