Thursday, April 5, 2012

Donor Over

I am so proud of my time as an egg donor and the families I was able to help. I am still searching for the next chapter of my support of the ALI community. What do I do next? How can I help? How can I stay involved?
Before I move forward, I’m taking a moment to look back over my journey as an egg donor. I may be shooting blind and maybe what I am about to share stems from my own insecurities. Even so, I want voice this reminder:
Your egg donor isn’t perfect.
Weird, right? I’m not sure if I’m trying to humanize the donor (she is, after all, more than her ovaries) or comfort the recipient (your donor isn’t better -or more- because of her ovaries). And I am not trying to bring you down or discourage anyone from considering donor gametes. It is more of a reminder that the recipient and the donor have common ground. Her scars aren’t from infertility but they are scars all the same.
An egg donor isn’t just the girl in the profile.
I am (well, was) an egg donor and I’m far from perfect. I look at my profile and sometimes all I can see is the gaps.
I started my journey as a donor six years ago at the age of 25. My first donation was at the age 27 and my last donation was at age 30. I am so different than the girl who originally completed the application. The main stats have stayed the same (genealogy, height, hair/eye color, talents, hobbies) but the other stats, the stats that define life and growth, are miles away.
Between my application and my first donation I became divorced, remarried, and a step-mother. My daughter grew from a newborn into a Kindergartner. I was an employee, a SAHM, a WAHM, and an employee again. I broke and rebuilt relationships; learned how to communicate, listen, and apologize; realigned with and grew in my faith.
It may be just a paragraph when I type it all up but those six years represent the journey from a girl to a woman, a child to an adult.
Looking back over everything that has transpired, if I had the chance to share one thing with my recipients and their children, what would it be?
There is hope.
When you face brokenness, there is hope. When it seems impossible, there is hope. When you feel alone, there is hope. When you are at the end, there is hope.
This process -infertility, IVF, donor gametes- is all about hope. And hope is what brings the resulting children into being.
Believe in hope.
(Just a note: This isn't a farewell post!)


  1. Nice post. You might like this post about being "far from perfect".

  2. Such a great post! I especially love all of your references to hope. =) It's hopefully going to be the name of my daughter someday. =)

  3. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13