Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Have you noticed that I flip back and forth from being fine to being, well, not fine?

Yeah, me too.

There are moments when the desire for another child is so strong that I cannot think of anything else. There are other times when I have complete peace and having a baby is the furthest thing from my mind.

Life Hormones are funny that way.

My thoughts experienced a significant shift last week when my husband commented that our debts would be paid off within the next four years. Our financial situation was a factor when considering his vasectomy but I balked at the thought of TTC once we are paid out.

If we conceived right away, birth would see my oldest stepson at 19, SSA at 17, and Little K at 10. I have no desire to go back to the beginning when Little K is that old; the age difference would make the sibling relationship I want her to have difficult, if not impossible. Plus, I would be 35, R would be 50, and we would be close to the empty nest he dreams about.

I remember that SSA was 10 when I first brought up the idea of having another child. All of a sudden, I can see things through R’s eyes and better understand where he is coming from.

God is working on me a little each day, allowing me to slowly release these longings and trust Him with our family.

I am so very thankful.

1 comment:

  1. God is always in control. I had my last one at 40. It isn't easy now that he is 17. But even these challenges are in God's hands. God bless and give you peace.