Have you noticed that I flip back and forth from being fine to being, well, not fine?
Yeah, me too.
There are moments when the desire for another child is so strong that I cannot think of anything else. There are other times when I have complete peace and having a baby is the furthest thing from my mind.
My thoughts experienced a significant shift last week when my husband commented that our debts would be paid off within the next four years. Our financial situation was a factor when considering his vasectomy but I balked at the thought of TTC once we are paid out.
If we conceived right away, birth would see my oldest stepson at 19, SSA at 17, and Little K at 10. I have no desire to go back to the beginning when Little K is that old; the age difference would make the sibling relationship I want her to have difficult, if not impossible. Plus, I would be 35, R would be 50, and we would be close to the empty nest he dreams about.
I remember that SSA was 10 when I first brought up the idea of having another child. All of a sudden, I can see things through R’s eyes and better understand where he is coming from.
God is working on me a little each day, allowing me to slowly release these longings and trust Him with our family.
I am so very thankful.