Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Gestational Carrier

(Full disclosure: this post was not edited by Becomingbrina.)

I was contacted by another department from my center today. In early January, before my baby hunger kicked into high gear, I completed my application to be a gestational carrier through my center. My husband and I passed the psych screening, and my profile was placed in the pool for viewing by intended parents.

Two sets of intended parents are searching for a carrier and the coordinator wanted to make sure I was still on board before releasing my profile to them. I have to admit, my response was stunned silence. I decided to have my profile taken down a few weeks ago but hadn't contacted the coordinator yet to do so. Considering my struggle with SIF over the past six months, I am not sure what to tell her.

The number one concern is my emotional well-being during and after the pregnancy. Will my desire for another child make this experience unmanageable, painful, or damaging. I experienced mild postpartum depression after Little K was born and R is concerned about my reaction after birth when we don't get a take-home baby.

Other concerns are for our family. Little K is young enough that she could be hurt by the experience of having her mother out of commission if I am put on bed rest and may not understand why we cannot keep the baby. There is also SSA to consider; he is just turning 13 and questions about the situation may be embarrassing for him.

In all honesty, there is also the superficial side of me that is not sure if I want to test the resiliency of my thirty year old body.

I told the coordinator that I would call her with an answer tomorrow. I do not want to give these IPs hope and then pull out at the last minute. Prayers for clarity, honesty, and peace would be very welcome.

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