"I do not believe for a second that God will use a sin you've made against you to teach you a lesson or something."
I don't necessarily think that God would "punish" me for my sin by causing our IUI to fail. I do believe that sin can keep you from experience the fullness and depth of God's blessings. And, of course, that He allows the natural consequences of our actions to play out.
In my particular situation, I have not been choosing Christ over self recently, indulging in idle thoughts/actions that are, well, sin. R and I have spoken openly about this in the past few days and I've been able to make some significant strides in turning from these thoughts/actions back toward Christ-likeness.
The Bible says this:
So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.
Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good
I've been struggling with the same sin for almost 20 years. I go through phases of being in control over it and others when it runs me over. It is a sin that can destroy my life, and has previously. It is only by God's intervention and grace that I have this life in front of me now.
I was going to say that the end result of our IF journey is too important to me to risk it on temporary pleasure, but that's not even the main thing:
The life God has given me -a loving marriage and spiritual influence over Little K and the boys- is too important.
And I feel that God would not give us more children if I'm not taking seriously the call honor my marriage and to be a spiritual leader in the kids' lives. Can I 100% back that up? Not really. God has shown me so much grace already that I can by no means say He Will or He Won't. But I do know that the Spirit has convicted me and I need to work hard on the follow up work He has placed in my heart.
Each day it gets a little easier. Each day I feel closer to the Lord as I turn from my sin. And, while it is still a conscious decision for me now, I know one day it will be as simple as breathing.
Some other powerful verses:
You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.