Tuesday, May 7, 2013

CD11: What's Up, Photo Dump, Confession

We have a follicle scan tomorrow morning. Praying for at least two good looking follicles, measuring similarly, with a lining of at least 8.1. Hoping to trigger no later than Friday with an IUI no later than Sunday.


So, what have we been up to? For starters, we've been up to a whole lot of cold and rainy. Seriously, what the heck? It's May in North Carolina. We are supposed to be in the 80's! Instead, R had to turn the fireplace back on last week. Grr.

However, we did get a break in the weather on Friday and we prettied up our yard!

Planter Boxes: Foxglove, Salvia, Lantana; Potted Plants: Fern, Hydrangea; Hanging Baskets: Annual Mix; Other: Frostproof Gardenia, Daylilies, Liriope, Crepe Myrtle

Trellis: Camellia, Daphne; Azalea; Fence: Wisteria; Playhouse: Trailing Petunia, Rosemary, Strawberries, Crepe Myrtle, Annual Mix; Swingset Hanging Basket: Fushia; Chinese Snowball, Lenten Rose, Hosta; Rock Stream: Japanese Maple, Weeping Willow

Pergola: Jasmine, Geranium with Ivy, Trailing Petunia and Verbena, Gladioli

I also finally finished the DIY quilt from my sister's baby shower last year!

 Everyone who attended the shower decorated a square, most with Bible verses and others with fun quotes and drawings. I'm giving this to my sister for Mother's Day.

Speaking of Mother's Day, I sent an email to my pastor this morning to let him know how much we have been enjoying visiting this church and to let him know that we are praying for him and the staff as they prepare this weekend's service. Nothing like an IF Awareness email to your pastor to make you feel like you're really in the game!

In all seriousness, it felt really good to email the worship team. We are praying that this weekend is handled gracefully, honoring mother's of living children as well as those who have experienced loss, are still struggling to conceive or to bring a child home, and those who are to living childfree.

Oh! We got new neighbors last week and we really like them! They have two sons, one who is deaf and another with some delays due to a toddler-hood stroke. Both boys are really sweet and the parents seem great. We have invited them to join us at church this weekend.


As for the rest, last night's BSF lecture was very convicting for me. I'll admit that I'm afraid that this IUI won't work because I've been failing at overcoming my besetting sin. (Besetting sin: The one that comes back over and over, the one you can't overcome, the one that seems to follow you everywhere.) Ugh.

R and I were talking last night and he was being very reassuring but I still feel the weight of this right now. Every sin starts with compromise, one tiny thing that you let in, thinking it doesn't really matter. I'm here to tell you that it does. Every choice matters. Even the ones no one else sees, God sees. And we know when we have done wrong. Instead of allowing selfishness or pride to cloud your judgement, why not let the Holy Spirit convict you and then make a change?

Repentance isn't just saying you're sorry: it's admitting the sin and then turning from it, never to return.

In Genesis 49, we see that Reuben lost his rights as firstborn of Jacob/Israel because he slept with his father's concubine. Because he chose fleeting pleasure over spiritual purity, he missed out on his blessing.

I've been struggling a lot with daily, even moment-to-moment, choosing Christ over self. I am so scared that we will go into our IUI with a curse on the outcome because of my sin. I'm afraid that I will see it as a failure of both my body and spirit if we aren't pregnant at the end of treatment.

My heart and spirit are fragile right now. I'm praying for God's peace and to feel the fullness of his grace. I want this so badly and am terrified of failure.

Please, oh please, oh please...


  1. First of all, your porch is divine. I love it. I could just sit out there and read all day.

    Secondly, good for you for emailing your worship team. And what a smart way to go about it - telling them you're praying for them as they prepare for the services. Way to go!

    Lastly, I'm sorry you've been having a hard time. I just got my BFN about five minutes ago, so I'm right there with you. I love, however, the way that you are seeking God in this and striving to focus on Him over yourself. I'll be keeping that in mind as I go about my day today.

    1. Oh, Em, I'm so sorry. Praying that peace and answers come quickly.

  2. OMG your flowers are gorgeous!! I want to come hang out in your yard and talk flowers with you! And I'm loving that you contacted your pastor and worship team...such a wise thing to do! And what interesting new neighbors-- once they see your beautiful yard, you'll be friends for life!

  3. I can sympathize with you. I too am terrified that this cycle I'm doing won't work. Praying for you.

  4. Hmmm... one who is deaf... :)

    So jealous of that back yard of yours and your handy husband. It all looks great!

    Keep your head up, friend!

  5. You yard is beautiful!! and that blanket is adorable! Praying for you this cycle!

  6. I love that you reached out to your church, and in a very humble, non-accusatory way. So thoughtful! Praying for you!

  7. I LOVE your porch and garden, that is amazing! Praying for you and your heart! I admire your honesty. Oh and I've never done BSF, but hear great things!

  8. Your home is so lovely! I am not familiar with BSF, but I will say, I do not believe for a second that God will use a sin you've made against you to teach you a lesson or something. Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding what you wrote. I just don't think you should feel your sin (whatever it is) will have any influence whatsoever on the outcome of your IUI. I am hoping and praying for the very best outcome for you!

    I love that you emailed that friendly reminder to your pastor too. I bet they actually really appreciate that as it's very likely they may not have included anything other than the traditional mom into their blessings. I seriously love that it will now be part of your sermon. Go you!