CD13: Reality

I was doing pretty much fine yesterday. R and I had a conversation Tuesday night outlining what the possible outcomes for Wednesday's scan could be: 2 perfect follicles - ready to go, 3-4 under developed follicles - possibly cancel or rescan on CD14, 5+ follicles - probably cancel, no response - definitely cancel. Really, we covered all the bases.

What we ended up seeing was 6 follicles measuring under 10 and lining at 5.1. While my coordinator wasn't concerned about my lining (she said that Femara can have that effect), the lack of a true response meant that we were out this cycle. We asked about coming back in on CD14/15 but she explained that the general rule around their office is that, if you're going to respond, it will be by CD12. If not, it's better to cancel so that you don't waste the funds.

Although she usually recommends that couples have intercourse every other day for a week after this kind of scan, that really won't help us accomplish what we're going for here, what with the DS and all. SO. We've been benched this cycle.

We did learn some interesting things yesterday. Did you know that, although both can result in increased egg production, Femara and Clomid work in two completely different places in your body? Femara works within the hormone chain itself while Clomid works in the pituitary gland. Interesting! And, since I responded on Clomid and not on Femara, it's becoming more clear where my ovulation issues stem from. I seriously love learning more about my body, so this is very cool for me.

Anyway, the above was occupying my mind yesterday and keeping me above water. However, once we got in bed that night, the quiet, disappointment, and a little sad crept in. Another cycle gone. And, since my cycles are so long, it's not like we're losing a month or will be getting started again in two weeks. No, we are losing 40 days and won't even be starting Clomid again for another 30 days. Which is just so frustrating that I can't even. Ugh.

In an attempt to get our hope and confidence back up last night, we ran possible due dates for the next cycle. And figured out that it would be one month before R turns 49. OUCH! Oh well, nothing to do about that.

I was hoping to be pregnant by the time I went to Florida the beginning of June. Now I'm making myself feel better by saying, Hey! At least I'll get to have frozen sangrias while I'm there! And I won't have to be stopping every 45 minutes for a bathroom break during the long drive. So there's that.

So, yeah. Disappointed but surviving. And what ended up doing the trick last night? Making these:

Hello, stress baking, you are always delicious. Nom!