So many things! Let’s take it one at a time…
Remember when I was offered my dream job? There have been several ups and downs that relate to this opportunity over the past two weeks. The ups have centered on my excitement about finally doing what I love and the possibility of moving back to my hometown. I’ve been having conversations on and off with the owner about ways I can support the company. I have my first assignment this week and I’m hoping to have additional conversations this coming weekend. I’ve also been in touch with a realtor in my hometown and have showings set up during my next visit, just to get an idea of the local market. So much fun!
The downs have been, well, down. The problem with a two-income household is relocating when only one person has an offer lined up. The good news is that an honest talk yesterday really cleared the air; we both had the opportunity to talk about our thoughts and I think we are back on the same page. The trick is seeing this as an opportunity for our family, rather than for an individual, and trust God with the timing/provision, knowing that the opportunity for R won’t be revealed until it’s time to pull the trigger.
More than anything, we re-affirmed that a job is not worth our marriage. It may seem like a no brainer but it is an insecurity that came up and was important to address.
This turned into a discussion about how we can begin functioning more as a couple rather than two individuals. Being married holds us together but how is that lived out? When you look at our lives, each of us parents our own child and each of us pays our own bills. We do our own thing on the weekend, we do our own thing each evening… How are we making our relationship a priority? How are our lives united?
Some of this is unavoidable. R works from home (yay!) but that doesn’t equal time together. His work requires him to work until 7:00 PM three nights per week plus 10-3 PM every other Saturday. Little K’s bedtime is 8:00/8:30 plus bath and homework. We also have to fit in dinner and my shower, plus a reasonable bedtime for the adults (unless we want to be zombies the next morning). We don’t have the resources set aside for a weekly or even monthly date night.
So what’s a modern couple to do?
We discussed opening a joint bank account. Although we resisted the idea when we were first married, it now feels like an important decision. Besides looking at our finances as WE instead of ME, this will make us more accountable for our spending. We are committed to paying off our debts within the next 30 months, taking the pressure off of R and opening the door for relocation, if and when the time comes.
The other things are up in the air. We did manage to spend some additional time together yesterday afternoon when R joined Little K and I for a puzzle. And I made sure to put Little K to bed on time to maximize my alone time with R. I will be asking if we can recommit to going to church each Sunday for adult time, although putting Little K in children’s worship is certainly a challenge.
I am still struggling with the idea of date night. On the one hand, I know it is important to make our relationship a priority. My parents were committed to date night and I never felt rejected when they would leave for the evening. On the other hand, our finances can’t support babysitters and/or outings especially since we are working on paying off our debts. And we do have Winter/Spring/Summer break without the children, when we can do whatever we want without paying for childcare. I just don’t know.
Maybe we just need to realign our priorities. Like, I could make a point to do my errands only on the Saturday when R is working and keep the other Saturday’s free. There are low-to-no cost weekend activities that we can explore, like heading to the library which has a playground for Little K and books for SSA. Maybe that is something to consider? The one drawback being that these are family activities and not couple activities…
Related to above:
It is also important for me to make it clear to Little K that R is a priority for me. I need to consider the best ways to communicate this while affirming her position and the importance I place on our relationship. This one will take some more thought. Again, it is so easy to make her a priority during the school year and leave the breaks for couple time.
I just don’t know. Summer is right around the corner, though, and then we will have two months for the adults.
Finally started spotting, so it looks like my hormones and body will be back to normal shortly. Thank goodness! This cycle has been rough on my weight and energy, so I’m really looking forward to getting back on track.
My parents are coming up for Mother’s Day weekend! Mom, Little K, and I are planning tea for Saturday while the boys see The Avengers. I can’t wait to share the menu with you and bring down the china!
And goal setting. I didn’t do too bad last week. We completed half of Little K’s homework on Tuesday, I cooked two of the planned meals, and ate the fruit salad every day (although the cookies did sneak in).
1) Homework: Continue to complete half of Little K’s homework before Thursday. Add completion of at least one AR book this week.
2) Prepare at least three of the planned meals: Apple Curry Chicken (CHECK-last night), Island Pineapple Chicken, BBQ Chicken, Slow Cooker Carnitas (Friday). [Yeah, we eat a lot of chicken.]
3) Control my snacking: only one sweet per day. This should be easier now that my period is starting.
So, there’s the weekend and the goals for this week. Other things on my mind, feel free to share your thoughts on any of the above and/or below:
Are you planning to vote tomorrow? I wasn’t going to but changed my mind this morning. I am now in possession of my sample ballot and my voting location. Hitting that tomorrow before work.
How are you planning to recognize Mother’s Day? How will you bring special attention to infertility on Sunday? How will you honor or comfort the infertile person (people) in your life this weekend?