Friday, December 9, 2011


Brooke of s&b put up a wonderful post about her husband, a man of character, who gives and works and loves with his whole self.


How amazing is a man like that?

I bought SSA a book for Christmas called BOOM: A Guy’s Guide to Growing Up. The very first chapter talks about the difference between being a boy and being a man, focusing on the shift from self-first to others-first, receiving to giving.

As someone who was married before I can tell you that this kind of man is hard to find. You can’t tell the difference between a boy and a man just by looking at him. Sometimes you can’t tell by talking to them, either. Even living with them, you can be deceived.

“Is Your Man a Man?” doesn’t involve the standard checklist of: Is he over 18? Does he have a job? Is he educated? Is he interesting? No, instead this list looks at more complex issues:

Does he having a growing relationship with God?
Are his friends men you want to be associated with?
Does he put others’ needs ahead of his own?
Does he complete something during the time he says he will?
Does he leave work on time?
Does he complain?
Does he go out of his way to do things he knows you will enjoy?
Does he make excuses for his actions/inaction?
Do you feel the need to make excuses for him or his actions to your friends/family?
Do you have to specifically ask him not to do/behave a certain way in front of your parents?
Does he speak differently in front of your parents or pastor than he does with you or his friends?
Does he handle disappointment or frustration in a healthy way?
Does he become provoked or angry easily?
Does he put you in harms way, either physically, emotionally, financially, or spiritually?
Would your parents or pastor approve of the way you act when you are together unsupervised?

I will be honest: prior to our marriage, I would not have been able to answer every question well with R(although it is a definite improvement over my previous relationship.) We did many things that I am not proud of and, I must admit, that I now see he should have put a stop to. I am so thankful that R is, at the heart of things, a man of character and that he continues to grow daily. In spite of my many mistakes, God has chosen to bless me in my second marriage.

I purchase a book as part of Little K's Christmas present, also, called The Princess and the Three Knights. After a rigorous round of tests, including strength, charitable work, and essays, the king puts the knights to a final test: to take the princess as close to the edge of the cliff as possible without falling. The first knight takes her within twelve inches, the second to within six inches. But the third knight refuses to take the princess anywhere near the cliff, telling the king that she is too great a treasure to put in harms way. All three passed the tests for strength, intellegence, and charity, but only the third showed true character.

1 Corinthians 13 is often quoted during weddings, but have you ever really heard it?

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

This is not a trivial list. Each and every statement shows depth of character, a selfless way of living that is vital to the sustaining of any relationship, whether marriage, friendship, or parental.

I pray that R continues to grow and that I do, too. I want my man of character to have a woman of character by his side.

Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to pass these lessons on to Little K before she is old enough to date or get married!


  1. your list is spot-on. i loved reading this post!

  2. great post! I definitely want my man of character to have a lady of character too!