Happy ICLW, everybody! I'm dspence - just your everyday girl trying to have a baby. You can learn all about our journey here. Our IUI was cancelled on CD27 and now we're waiting on CD1 to get started again. Should be sometime this week!
Originally, we planned on cycling naturally but we learned from the cancelled cycle that I'm not managing to produce enough estrogen on my own to ovulate every month. I've got a bottle of Femara that we'll be starting on CD3. Hopefully we'll see some great results and can actually get everything done in May!
In the mean time, I'd love to learn more about YOU! What is your favorite thing to do each Spring?
Monday, April 22, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
CD34: A week? Really?
SO! It's been one week since our IUI was cancelled. It feels like a lot longer. I was surprised at how depressed I felt after. It certainly didn't help that I came down with a totally gross cold/allergies on Monday that left me laid out and feeling awful for the week. I'm finally starting to feel better, thank goodness!
My system is still all whacked out from the Clomid - or, more likely, this cold I've been fighting. I've been having hot flashes all week! And headaches like it's my job. UGH! So ready to feel better.
Of course, just because our IUI was cancelled doesn't mean that the crazy has let up. I've been googling estimates for an ovulation date based on my 5.1 progesterone levels from Friday. Because, and stay with me here, if I ovulated on Thursday (and R and I were intimate that day) then maybe there's a chance that... Well, I guess that the Lord miraculously reunited everything from R's vasectomy and we could be all WOOOO-PREGO!
Because that's what TTC does to you. You start to go crazy and, in the face of disappointment, think the impossible is actually possible even though your rational mind knows that nothing has changed. *headdesk*
It doesn't help that my breasts are KILLING me and I'm horribly nauseous from all the cold drainage. And bloated all to heck from mainlining tylenol and sudafed. Blah.
Welcome (back) to crazy town! I can't wait for my period next week...
You know what? I don't want to leave this on a complain-y note. I was wonderfully surprised on Monday morning when I picked up my Femara prescription for under $5. Wooooo!!
My system is still all whacked out from the Clomid - or, more likely, this cold I've been fighting. I've been having hot flashes all week! And headaches like it's my job. UGH! So ready to feel better.
Of course, just because our IUI was cancelled doesn't mean that the crazy has let up. I've been googling estimates for an ovulation date based on my 5.1 progesterone levels from Friday. Because, and stay with me here, if I ovulated on Thursday (and R and I were intimate that day) then maybe there's a chance that... Well, I guess that the Lord miraculously reunited everything from R's vasectomy and we could be all WOOOO-PREGO!
Because that's what TTC does to you. You start to go crazy and, in the face of disappointment, think the impossible is actually possible even though your rational mind knows that nothing has changed. *headdesk*
It doesn't help that my breasts are KILLING me and I'm horribly nauseous from all the cold drainage. And bloated all to heck from mainlining tylenol and sudafed. Blah.
Welcome (back) to crazy town! I can't wait for my period next week...
***
You know what? I don't want to leave this on a complain-y note. I was wonderfully surprised on Monday morning when I picked up my Femara prescription for under $5. Wooooo!!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
CD28, Happy Etsy Day: Patience!
The past two weeks have been a journey in patience. Thank goodness for a God who is patient with me, even when I'm not patient with Him... or anyone else.
Sometimes it's Better to be Nice
slow down
Lotus Blossom Bangle
Tile Sign
Patience black typography
"Patience"
Patience lip balm
Fruit Of The Spirit
Patience: nesting bird parents and pearl egg
Be joyful in hope
turquoise and amber statement
This too shall pass
Hand Painted Worsted Wool, Patience
Patience Earrings
cufflinks
Run with patience the race set before us
Bible Verse PERSONALIZED NAME Keychain
The Wild Cards:
Mini top hat: Patience
Zombie Gnomes: NOT PAINTED Patient ZERO.5
Turquoise Patience camera shoulder strap
Friday, April 12, 2013
CD27: Follie Friday
(Shout out to Alexis for the title. Love it!!)
This morning's scan was beautiful, showing two follicles squished up next to each other and measuring 25.5 and 26.9, respectively. My lining looked awesome at 11.9. We did a progesterone blood draw and planned on scheduling the IUI based on the results - either tomorrow morning without a trigger or Sunday morning with a trigger. My coordinator told me to keep the phone close and she would call me personally with a plan.
We had three hours of beautiful, fantastic hope. Those two follicles made their way into my heart during those hours... I remembered my friend's prophecy and felt like I had gotten the first look at our children. I laid on the couch and dozed until 1:00 PM, thinking about our children and how amazed I was that we would be making them a reality this weekend.
My coordinator called at 1:00 PM and said that my progesterone came back at 5.1 - high enough that to assume that I ovulated several days ago. She conferred with one of the doctors who made the final call of cancelling this cycle and trying again next time.
I'm just so disappointed... I wish I had the faith that the Lord could do something amazing and I could still be pregnant at the end of the month. But we know that R is at zero. So, we're just waiting. Again.
*sigh* We have a prescription for Femara and will start that on CD3, two per day through CD7 and back in for a follicle scan on CD12.
Really, it will all be okay. Clearly the Lord's timing is different than mine. If I'm being honest, I would much rather do things His way. I just wish His way was now.
I'm signing off for today but here's a sneak peak at tomorrow's Etsy Day post. Enjoy!
Patience T-Shirt
Thursday, April 11, 2013
CD26: Smoothies and Body
Yesterday was the start of the new After School Smoothie routine. Although the smoothie itself was delicious, Little K has a hard time dealing with change and is really stubborn about food. We ended up with one taste, one sip, and two drinks of the smoothie. Plus about 10 minutes of whining/crying. Meh, could have been worse.
Blueberry Smoothie
1 Ultra Ripe Banana, Frozen
1/2C Frozen Blueberries
1/2C Blueberry Kefir Probiotic Milk
1T Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup
Remove banana from freezer one hour before making the smoothie and set in a bowl on the counter to begin thawing. When ready, dump all ingredients in the blender and puree for 20 seconds. Consume immediately and, hopefully, without tears. Serves one medium or two small.
Nutritional Information
Banana: 110 Calories, 0 Fat, 3 Fiber, 1 Protein
Blueberries: 40 Calories, 0 Fat, 2 Fiber, .5 Protein
Blueberry Kefir Probiotic Milk: 70 Calories, 1 Fat, 0 Fiber, 5.5 Protein
SF Vanilla Syrup: Zero
Total: 220 Calories, 1 Gram of Fat, 5 Grams of Fiber, 7 Grams of Protein
Other good stuff in this smoothie? The delicious antioxidants and probiotics! I just love a snack I can feel good about. Not bad, if I do say so myself!
Since we're talking about nutrition, I thought I'd let you know how the greek yogurt thing is going. After four months, it has become clear that Fage is my favorite. My #1 flavor is blueberry, but I also like the cherry and strawberry. Yum!
I'm trying to eat meat only with dinner, getting the rest of my protein throughout the day from eggs, beans, and legumes. And the greek yogurt, natch. I've been able to cut my cheese intake in half and have thrown out the candy in our house. I still have plenty of places to cut additional calories and fat but on well - I'm a work in progress!
I managed to start working out again! I hit it on Tuesday and Wednesday, alternating days: Weight Bench and Boxing; 30-Day Shred DVD and Situps.(May I point out that Jillian Michaels is sadistic? I'm in SO much pain today!)
PLUS! We tossed around the football in the yard both days. I had the BEST time watching R play football with the boys last week and really want to be able to join in this summer. Got to get practicing!
Tomorrow is our follicle scan. I'm quietly excited about it but am remaining realistic that we may cancel. If we do, I'm going to ask about Femara for the next cycle. I'm also asking about starting progesterone with our IUI since this cycle has been so long. We'll see!!
Blueberry Smoothie
1 Ultra Ripe Banana, Frozen
1/2C Frozen Blueberries
1/2C Blueberry Kefir Probiotic Milk
1T Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup
Remove banana from freezer one hour before making the smoothie and set in a bowl on the counter to begin thawing. When ready, dump all ingredients in the blender and puree for 20 seconds. Consume immediately and, hopefully, without tears. Serves one medium or two small.
Nutritional Information
Banana: 110 Calories, 0 Fat, 3 Fiber, 1 Protein
Blueberries: 40 Calories, 0 Fat, 2 Fiber, .5 Protein
Blueberry Kefir Probiotic Milk: 70 Calories, 1 Fat, 0 Fiber, 5.5 Protein
SF Vanilla Syrup: Zero
Total: 220 Calories, 1 Gram of Fat, 5 Grams of Fiber, 7 Grams of Protein
Other good stuff in this smoothie? The delicious antioxidants and probiotics! I just love a snack I can feel good about. Not bad, if I do say so myself!
Since we're talking about nutrition, I thought I'd let you know how the greek yogurt thing is going. After four months, it has become clear that Fage is my favorite. My #1 flavor is blueberry, but I also like the cherry and strawberry. Yum!
I'm trying to eat meat only with dinner, getting the rest of my protein throughout the day from eggs, beans, and legumes. And the greek yogurt, natch. I've been able to cut my cheese intake in half and have thrown out the candy in our house. I still have plenty of places to cut additional calories and fat but on well - I'm a work in progress!
I managed to start working out again! I hit it on Tuesday and Wednesday, alternating days: Weight Bench and Boxing; 30-Day Shred DVD and Situps.(May I point out that Jillian Michaels is sadistic? I'm in SO much pain today!)
PLUS! We tossed around the football in the yard both days. I had the BEST time watching R play football with the boys last week and really want to be able to join in this summer. Got to get practicing!
***
Tomorrow is our follicle scan. I'm quietly excited about it but am remaining realistic that we may cancel. If we do, I'm going to ask about Femara for the next cycle. I'm also asking about starting progesterone with our IUI since this cycle has been so long. We'll see!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
CD25: Better
I want all of you to know how much your comments meant to me yesterday.
Thank you for being so supportive and kind. You're the best!
Little K and I are both doing a lot better today. I stayed pretty drained all yesterday afternoon and my eyes stayed stiff from the earlier tears but we ended up having a really fun evening together, playing outside and throwing around a football with R. It really helped us finish loosening up. I also managed to fit in a workout on the weights and bag, which was really good.
We managed to locate corn syrup-free options for all but one of Little K's favorite foods, which is fantastic. As of today, she is 99.9% corn syrup free! It may sound simple but I count that as a huge accomplishment, given how limited her palate is. I received a gorgeous blender from my sister for my birthday, so I'm hoping to start making Little K a green smoothie each day after school in order to get some fresh fruits and veggies into her diet. Again - sounds simple but has been a struggle since the day she started solid food.
I'm really looking forward to her supplements arriving next week. We ordered the Nordic Naturals brand Children's Dha Softgels and Nordic Omega-3 Gummies; we also ordered the SmartyPants brand Gummy Multivitamin with Omega 3 and Vitamin D. We plan on one multivitamin, one omega-3, and two Dha each day.
We are also considering JustMe's advice about a psychological evaluation for Little K. Her biological father is diagnosed, but un-medicated, Bi-Polar. My side of the family has quite a history of mental illness, too, so Little K has it coming from both sides. *sigh*
That's a big thing I reminded R about yesterday: because of her family history, it's possible that this isn't an obedience issue but a chemical/hormonal issue. We have to understand that Little K really may not be able to control herself - these chemicals are not something she has control over. We have to stay patient! It's a really powerful reminder for us to keep calm when she gets out of control.
In other news, our follicle scan is coming up on Friday! My abdomen is all kinds of bloated right now, so I'm hoping that means we have lots of follicles developing. The thought of triggering Friday night for a Sunday IUI makes me so happy! I love the idea of doing that in the morning and then heading to church right after - being able to sit down for worship and knowing that He may already be at work bringing a new life to our family...
So glad that the excitement is coming back!
Little K and I are both doing a lot better today. I stayed pretty drained all yesterday afternoon and my eyes stayed stiff from the earlier tears but we ended up having a really fun evening together, playing outside and throwing around a football with R. It really helped us finish loosening up. I also managed to fit in a workout on the weights and bag, which was really good.
We managed to locate corn syrup-free options for all but one of Little K's favorite foods, which is fantastic. As of today, she is 99.9% corn syrup free! It may sound simple but I count that as a huge accomplishment, given how limited her palate is. I received a gorgeous blender from my sister for my birthday, so I'm hoping to start making Little K a green smoothie each day after school in order to get some fresh fruits and veggies into her diet. Again - sounds simple but has been a struggle since the day she started solid food.
I'm really looking forward to her supplements arriving next week. We ordered the Nordic Naturals brand Children's Dha Softgels and Nordic Omega-3 Gummies; we also ordered the SmartyPants brand Gummy Multivitamin with Omega 3 and Vitamin D. We plan on one multivitamin, one omega-3, and two Dha each day.
We are also considering JustMe's advice about a psychological evaluation for Little K. Her biological father is diagnosed, but un-medicated, Bi-Polar. My side of the family has quite a history of mental illness, too, so Little K has it coming from both sides. *sigh*
That's a big thing I reminded R about yesterday: because of her family history, it's possible that this isn't an obedience issue but a chemical/hormonal issue. We have to understand that Little K really may not be able to control herself - these chemicals are not something she has control over. We have to stay patient! It's a really powerful reminder for us to keep calm when she gets out of control.
***
In other news, our follicle scan is coming up on Friday! My abdomen is all kinds of bloated right now, so I'm hoping that means we have lots of follicles developing. The thought of triggering Friday night for a Sunday IUI makes me so happy! I love the idea of doing that in the morning and then heading to church right after - being able to sit down for worship and knowing that He may already be at work bringing a new life to our family...
So glad that the excitement is coming back!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
CD24: A Hard Day
This morning was just so hard.
Little K had an appointment to have two teeth removed as a part of her orthodontic treatment. I gently prepped her for two weeks, explaining the procedure and using kid friendly words to help her understand what would happen. She even had a children's valium to take one hour before the appointment. We planned on using nitrous once she was in the chair. I really thought we were prepared!
Instead, she went into a full-on raging tantrum for the entire 45 minute drive to the pediatric dentist. It was so bad that I didn't even take her in to the office for check-in; I left her in the car and went in to tell them we were there. The dentist ended up coming out to the car and talking with me for about 10 minutes. In the end, he decided that it just wasn't safe to move forward with today's appointment. He gave us two referrals to oral surgeons who would fully sedate her for the procedure.
During the talk with the doctor, Little K continued to rage in the car. Once the dentist went back inside, I tried to get her seat belt back on so we could drive home. She ended up opening the car door while I was trying to pull out of the parking lot.
Once I was able to get back in a parking spot and set the child locks (something I haven't had to use since she was 5 years old), I kept her in the car while I paced along the side of the vehicle, calming myself down - I was in tears at this point, completely beyond done with the whole situation. It took another 30 minutes for her to quiet down enough for me to drive us home.
There are days when this child is just SO. HARD. Our pediatrician asked us a little over a year ago if we wanted to have Little K evaluated for ADHD. For now, we are resistant to pursuing that particular course of action. In reality, Little K is fully capable of concentrating, sitting still, accomplishing multi-step tasks, being respectful and compliant... She can do it all! But, when she decides that she doesn't want to do something? WATCH OUT. Nothing helps.
My mother was wonderful enough to talk me down during those 30 minutes. And to do some online research for us.
We have decided to eliminate the small amount of corn syrup in Little K's diet; luckily most of her favorite foods are already corn syrup and artificial dye free. We are also starting her on a DHA and Omega-3 chewable supplement which should arrive early next week. We are hoping that these changes will make a big difference. We are also considering going gluten-free but her limited palate would make that very challenging.
In the mean time, we are looking at some consequences, etc. that are appropriate for this age. Little K is too old for anything like spankings and I really don't want to encourage violence in our family.
Our go-to move is situation removal: when she gets like this, she is placed in a separate space without an audience. (We've noticed that having someone who can see her during the tantrums just makes them last longer.) Once the screaming and/or violence has stopped, I go in and cuddle her until she finishes calming down.
We are considering putting a hold on her orthodontic treatment until she is at least 10 years old. She has a sweet smile and we've made some great progress in making room for her adult teeth over the past year. That may need to be enough for now.
No cute wrap up today - just a long sigh and opening up the comment section for your experiences, thoughts, etc. We could really use your prayers.
Little K had an appointment to have two teeth removed as a part of her orthodontic treatment. I gently prepped her for two weeks, explaining the procedure and using kid friendly words to help her understand what would happen. She even had a children's valium to take one hour before the appointment. We planned on using nitrous once she was in the chair. I really thought we were prepared!
Instead, she went into a full-on raging tantrum for the entire 45 minute drive to the pediatric dentist. It was so bad that I didn't even take her in to the office for check-in; I left her in the car and went in to tell them we were there. The dentist ended up coming out to the car and talking with me for about 10 minutes. In the end, he decided that it just wasn't safe to move forward with today's appointment. He gave us two referrals to oral surgeons who would fully sedate her for the procedure.
During the talk with the doctor, Little K continued to rage in the car. Once the dentist went back inside, I tried to get her seat belt back on so we could drive home. She ended up opening the car door while I was trying to pull out of the parking lot.
Once I was able to get back in a parking spot and set the child locks (something I haven't had to use since she was 5 years old), I kept her in the car while I paced along the side of the vehicle, calming myself down - I was in tears at this point, completely beyond done with the whole situation. It took another 30 minutes for her to quiet down enough for me to drive us home.
There are days when this child is just SO. HARD. Our pediatrician asked us a little over a year ago if we wanted to have Little K evaluated for ADHD. For now, we are resistant to pursuing that particular course of action. In reality, Little K is fully capable of concentrating, sitting still, accomplishing multi-step tasks, being respectful and compliant... She can do it all! But, when she decides that she doesn't want to do something? WATCH OUT. Nothing helps.
My mother was wonderful enough to talk me down during those 30 minutes. And to do some online research for us.
We have decided to eliminate the small amount of corn syrup in Little K's diet; luckily most of her favorite foods are already corn syrup and artificial dye free. We are also starting her on a DHA and Omega-3 chewable supplement which should arrive early next week. We are hoping that these changes will make a big difference. We are also considering going gluten-free but her limited palate would make that very challenging.
In the mean time, we are looking at some consequences, etc. that are appropriate for this age. Little K is too old for anything like spankings and I really don't want to encourage violence in our family.
Our go-to move is situation removal: when she gets like this, she is placed in a separate space without an audience. (We've noticed that having someone who can see her during the tantrums just makes them last longer.) Once the screaming and/or violence has stopped, I go in and cuddle her until she finishes calming down.
We are considering putting a hold on her orthodontic treatment until she is at least 10 years old. She has a sweet smile and we've made some great progress in making room for her adult teeth over the past year. That may need to be enough for now.
***
No cute wrap up today - just a long sigh and opening up the comment section for your experiences, thoughts, etc. We could really use your prayers.
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