Friday, March 14, 2014

Aaron's Birth Story

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I felt a trickle of fluid between my legs and went to inspect: clear. I noticed that this trickle would appear every twenty minutes or so. I called the midwife at 10:00 AM to give her a heads up. Together, we decided to just keep an eye on it and she would call me back around 2:00. If contractions hadn't started but the fluid continued, we would head in to be checked. If the fluid stopped, we would do nothing. If contractions started, we would wait until we were ready to come in. The fluid stopped around noon with no contractions to speak of. When the midwife called back, we agreed to stay home and let her know if anything started again.

Late Tuesday evening, I started having contractions 45 minutes apart. We called the midwife and agreed that I would take a Tylenol PM and try to sleep. We were to call when the contractions became closer together.

At 2:30 AM on Wednesday morning, I woke up with contractions 10-15 minutes apart. We called the midwife to give her a heads up. She was excited to hear that things had picked up but suggested that we stay home as the birthing suites were close to capacity and my contractions were still pretty spaced out. R went ahead and got the truck packed while I moved to the birthing ball and tried to relax. My contractions fizzled out by 4:00 AM and, disappointed, we went back to bed.

When I woke up again to get Little K ready for school at 6:40 AM, my contractions were sporadic at best. Around 10:00 AM, they started back up at 30 minutes apart. I relaxed on the loveseat and watched Sherlock with my mom for the rest of the morning. I called the midwife at 12:45 PM when my contractions were 8-10 minutes apart again. She suggested that I relax in a hot bath for a while and call her back when they were 5 minutes apart. When I got off the phone, I decided I wanted to catch the last 30 minutes of the episode we were watching before getting in the tub.

My water broke in a gush just 15 minutes later.

I went into the bathroom to clean up, asking my mom to grab the phone and call the midwife back, when I noticed that the fluid was green. All of a sudden, everything sped up. My mom was great on the phone and the midwife told us to come in immediately. R put the cooler in the truck as I slipped on a pair of Depends and some dry pants. Mom took a quick picture of us heading out the door and then we were on our way!

As soon as we got in the truck, I set the GPS on R's phone, put on Hypnobabies: Easy First Stage in my earbuds, and relaxed into the hour drive ahead of us. Less than a mile from our house, my contractions went from eight minutes apart to three minutes apart. I vocalized an "Ahhh" during each contraction and rested in between. A few times, I talked to R and we shared our excitement about seeing our little man soon.

We pulled up to the birth center at 2:25 PM. There was one parking spot left in front of the birthing suites that was taken by the LabCorp van that pulled in 10 seconds before us. We were not pleased. I ended up getting out in front of the birth center and walked in alone as R searched for a parking spot behind the building. The nurse was waiting for us and was concerned that I may have driven myself there. I reassured her that R was just parking and would be in momentarily. I asked which room we would use and got myself settled on the birth ball before the next contraction started.

R brought in our things and the nurse took my temp, BP, and listened to Aaron's heartbeat. I reminded her that there was meconium in the fluid and she said the midwife would be in shortly. When the midwife, E, came in, she let us know she had a student midwife with her and asked if she could be a part of our day. I said yes, not knowing what a huge support and blessing the student, K, would be. They confirmed that meconium was present but that it was light and non-particulated, which meant we were safe at the birth center for now. E walked us through the possible outcomes: best - no fetal distress or decells, deliver at the birth center within 24 hours; anything else - hospital birth. It was now 3:00 PM and I was 5 cm dilated.

I continued listening to Hypnobabies until 3:15 PM, at which point I ripped out my earbuds and told R, "This woman is a lying [deleted]! These do not feel like warm hugs!" We both laughed and that was the end of Hypnobabies. I turned on my worship mix to chill out. I labored like that for another thirty minutes and then moved to the tub.

Although my contractions remained three minutes apart, they were growing in intensity. As I labored in the warm water, the nurse came in to listen to Aaron's heartbeat. She had a bit of a tough time finding his heartbeat and, when she did, we heard a slight deceleration that I found concerning. The midwife came in shortly thereafter to listen. After listening a bit while I was in the water, she decided to move me to the bed to assess everything. Getting out of the tub was terrible and lying down on the bed was worse. I was regretting my choice to go med-free and almost hoping that a hospital transfer was in our future. Thankfully, Aaron was fine and it was decided that we would continue at the birth center.

As I laid on the bed, I began shaking and trembling. In retrospect, I was heading into transition although, at the time, I thought I was just cold and under stress. I was discouraged to hear that I was only dilated to six, stretching to seven, and asked to get back in the tub. I had lost all sense of time and didn't think to ask for a time marker.

I was surprised that the midwife, student, and nurse all stayed with us when I got back in the tub. I had expected them to leave us for at least another hour since I had not dilated much. Again, in retrospect, I believe they expected that I was transitioning and that it wouldn't be much longer. As soon as I got back in the water, everything was so much more intense and so much harder! The student midwife was incredible during this time, really coaching me through each contraction and encouraging me to persevere through each one, not letting it get away from me. My "Ahhh"s changed, becoming much lower and more gutteral. When the contractions would get away from me, I would cry out, asking for help. When I was able to remember, I asked the Lord for help. Otherwise, that cry was nonsense plea for the pain to stop.

I was sweating in the water. The contractions felt unbearable. I whimpered in between contractions and fantasized about transferring to the hospital and getting an epidural.

I heard the midwife in charge say it wouldn't be much longer and said to her, "Please tell me I'm in transition." She laughed a little and told me I was. Grateful, I switched position to take the next contraction on my knees, leaning over the side of the tub. It was after that contraction they decided to move me to the bed. I visited the restroom and realized that, even if we transferred that very second, I wouldn't make it to the hospital in enough time for an epidural. I was going to have to go through with this crazy choice to go med-free whether I wanted to or not. Again, I didn't think to ask for a time marker.

I contracted once more in the bathroom and started crying from the intensity. The student midwife helped me to the bed, where I got on my hands and knees. They confirmed that I was fully dilated and told me to push as I needed in order to get Aaron into the birth canal. R stayed at my head, telling me how well I was doing and that we would meet our son soon. He reminded me that God got us this far and would see us through. I gripped his forearms as each urge came and would scoot toward him rather than really committing to the contractions. The midwife came to my head and talked to me about not pulling away from the pain but to, instead, push into it.

I think I progressed a little in that position but we weren't going to be seeing a baby that way. They moved me to my left side and had me push like that for a while. We started to see better progress. After a while, they had me on my back, pulling back my legs and having me curl around my body to get good momentum behind each push. R was on my left and the student midwife was on my right. They were both an incredible encouragement. Several times the midwife told me to reach down to feel Aaron's head, but I was sure I would only feel a little bit of his head. I didn't want to be disappointed by a lack of progress and, instead, just kept trying.

Everything hurt. The time between contractions was not relaxing - nothing more than a moment to catch my breath before the next contraction began. The worship music was still playing on my phone over by the tub and I heard some of my favorite songs between contractions. I was so thankful for the encouragement I heard in Glorious Ruins, which had been a big part of my pregnancy:

When the world caves in
Still my hope will cling to Your promise
Where my courage ends
Let my heart find strength in Your presence
I'll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I'll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
In the light of Your glorious grace

Finally they convinced me to reach down to feel his head and I was SHOCKED at how much of his head was out! The top of his head filled the palm of my hand and I finally realized how close to the end we were! I understood that the current feelings I was experiencing were because he had been crowning for about five minutes already.

It took another five minutes for Aaron's head to emerge. I heard them say "No cord," confirming that his cord was not wrapped around his neck. With the next contraction, he was born. They quickly moved him to my chest as another liter of green amniotic fluid rushed out behind him. Two of the three medical professionals (I don't know which) in the room tried to contain the flood while the other vigorously rubbed Aaron in order to get all of that meconium-filled fluid out of his airways. It was 6:36 PM.

I kissed Aaron's head, telling him how much I loved him and how glad I was that he was out. Then I looked at R and said, "Let's never do that again." (I'm hilarious.)

Our boy let out some great cries, getting all of that nasty stuff out of him. He quieted down pretty quickly while we waited for his cord to stop pulsing. I heard them confirm that I received a shot of pitocin right after he came out, which I had consented to earlier. Someone was pressing hard, rubbing my abdomen. I felt a little tugging and reminded them that I wanted to pass the placenta without tugging or pulling. They agreed and said that they were just checking to see if there was any resistance or if it had already released. They asked me to push once more and the placenta was born. It felt very large coming out and R later confirmed that it was very big.

R was asked if he wanted to cut the cord and, initially, he declined. The midwife was surprised, as was I! I reminded him that this was his last chance since we weren't having any more kids. The midwife got everything set up for the cut and asked one more time. R decided he did want to cut the cord and later let me know that was a first for him, that he hadn't cut the cord for RJR or SSA.

Once the cord was cut, they had me scoot down to the end of the bed so they could change the green, dripping sheets. Eww. Once the bed was made again, the head midwife brought me a fresh drink and a bowl of frozen grapes to get my blood sugar back up. We were then left alone for about 30 minutes to enjoy our little man. During that time, Aaron nursed and R gave him a quick water bath to get the last of the green goo off. He latched on again immediately after and just kept nursing.

Soon, the midwives had me back at the end of the bed to check for rips or tears. I had three, one degree tears inside and one, one degree tear outside. Each received one stitch. Mom and Little K arrived right as they finished up the stitches.

The next bit is all a blur! Little K climbed right up in bed to see her brother. She gave him a stuffed animal and received her big sister present: a charm bracelet and little stuffed toy. She held him for a minute but he cried and cried. Mom tried to hold him, too, and he continued crying. We finally noticed that he had pooped in his blanket! Once he was cleaned up, he was happy to be held by everyone.

Mom and Little K had baked Aaron a birthday cake that afternoon, a beautiful dairy-free blueberry cake with orange creamscicle frosting. It was delicious! Little K wrote on the top is blue sparkly icing: Welcome Baby Aaron From Your Loving Family. *squee* Love!!!!

The midwives returned to do his newborn check and Little K watched the whole thing, asking questions all the way. Mom told us that Dad had left his office in Florida as soon as my water broke and would be arriving at our home around midnight. He couldn't bear to wait until after his meeting Thursday! Mom got me a bowl of the beef stew we had brought and fed it to me as I worked to keep my two (!!) children happy.

We originally asked to be discharged after the minimum four hours, at 10:30 PM, but they had to keep us for an extra hour because Aaron's pulse-ox levels were a little off. Mom and Little K left at 10:30 in order to get back to the house before Dad arrived. I was starving and had another bowl of stew while we waited out the hour. R loaded the car and I got dressed. Thankfully, Aaron passed the next pulse-ox screening and we were cleared to go home! We headed out at 11:30 PM and arrived home at 12:20 AM. I rode in the back seat with Aaron, who slept the whole way home. I took that time to update Facebook, the blog, and text.

My parents met us outside when we got home, my Dad giving me a big hug and kiss. When we came inside, we saw Little K asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace. We spent the next hour on the couches, visiting and staring at this beautiful baby boy the Lord had given our family.

R carried Little K upstairs and then we all finally headed to bed.


Late Thursday afternoon, we learned Aaron's Hawaiian middle name:

Makanakeakua - Gift of God

Mom shared with us that this meaning was threefold: the Lord had given us this wonderful gift of another child; a prayer for Aaron to receive God's gift of salvation early in life; and for Aaron to share the good news of salvation with others throughout his life.


In those first 24 hours, I was so focused on how hard med-free labor had been. How awfully painful and exhausting the experience was. How much I desired to NEVER experience that again. By 48 hours, though, I was commenting on how amazingly God designed our bodies. Not in how women birth children but in the amnesia that comes so quickly after they are born. By Saturday morning, the raw pain of labor and delivery were already a distant memory, completely buried under the joy and satisfaction of having Aaron here with us.

Even in the pain, God was good. And now, in the sweet presence of our son, God is good.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

One Week and One Day

What a week it has been! We have been incredibly blessed with a very calm little boy who likes nothing more than to eat and sleep. Of the past eight nights, we have gotten five nights of decent sleep and one night of excellent sleep. The days are just a wash of nursing, napping, and sweet baby cuddles. And lots and lots of Netflix.

Napping Baby

Aaron and I basically live on the loveseat. The fireplace to our left and his swing to our right. Body pillow wrapped around me with the My Brest Friend pillow strapped to my waist. Nursing/napping baby on top. We've made our way through three seasons of Sherlock, Archer, Alaska: The Last Frontier, Best Food Ever, Mythbusters, and Survivor Man. In between are all of the diapers ever and so much laundry.

He pees on everything.

Aaron just adores his daddy. R has fallen back into the role of father so seamlessly and I love seeing it. He takes care of most of the daytime diaper changes and is the first to snatch Aaron away from me if his eyes are open. The two of them are so sweet together and it melts my heart! I knew that he was a wonderful father from his interactions with Little K - that has simply been reaffirmed over the past week.

My two guys.
Little K headed to Florida on Sunday morning with my parents, coming back in two more days. She is so sweet with Aaron and just loves her little brother. She always asks to hold him and is very confident with him. She loves to smooth his hair and kiss his head. She holds her nose when we change his diaper and strokes his forehead to help him stop crying. I'm praying that her love for him continues to grow as she realizes that babies aren't always so easy to soothe.

We mustache you: who's the cutest baby around?
This first week has been so healing for me. I remember the first week of Little K's life as hard, emotional, fragile. It was the week she became so dehydrated and kicked off my postpartum depression. We moved into my parents' house after just one night at home because I was so distraught. In contrast, this week with Aaron has been easy, joyful, and uplifting. He is healthy and strong. My milk came in on Sunday, the same day my folks headed back to Florida. My body is recovered from birth already. He is thriving and our home feels complete with him in it. We are so blessed!

One Week Old
God is so good!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

He's Here!

Aaron David arrived on March 5, 2014 at 6:36pm. He is 8lb1oz and 21 inches long. Everyone is doing great! More to come...

On Our Way!

Water just broke: we are on our way to the birth center! Please join us in prayer today as Aaron is born. Below are the scriptures the Lord has given us during this pregnancy. We know that praying scripture back to the Lord is powerful!

Don’t be afraid, for I Am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I Am your God. I will strengthen you and help you up. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Blessed are those whose strength is in You.
Psalm 84:5

The woman came and knelt before Him. “Lord, help me!” she cried.
Matthew 15:24

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:4

My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2

Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Give your worries to the Lord and He will care for you.
Psalm 55:22a

But as for me, I trust in You.
Psalm 55:23c

The Lord I my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved.
Psalm 18:2-3

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13

But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.
Proverbs 1:33

God didn’t give us a spirit that makes us weak and fearful. He gave us a spirit that gives us power and love! It helps us control ourselves.
2 Timothy 1:7

I sought the Lord and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 34:4

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him and He delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.
Psalm 34:7-8

Here is what I am commanding you to do: Be strong and brave. Do not be terrified. Do not lose hope. I am the Lord your God! I will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Give all of your worries and care to God, for He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:16

Jesus said, “Everything is possibly for him who believes.” The man replied, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”
Mark 9:23-24

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18

I will never leave you of forsake you.
Hebrews 13:5

In His strength, God promises: I will not cease to sustain you. I will not leave you helpless or alone.
Hebrews 13:5

The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth.
2 Timothy 4:17

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or dread, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you, You are with me.
Psalm 23:4

Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Psalm 61:5-7

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety. He is my God and I trust Him.
Psalm 91:2

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
Psalm 118:8

Since you have been raise in Christ, set your hearts on things above: where Christ is seated at the right hand of god. Not on earthly things.
Colossians 3:1-2

See, God has come to same me! I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song. He has given me victory.
Isaiah 12:2

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
Isaiah 26:3-4

Blessed are those whose strength is in You.
Psalm 84:5a

Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in You.
Psalm 84:12

He helps us in our weaknesses. For when we do not know what to pray, the Spirit intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.
Romans 8:26

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So I will boast gladly about my weakness to that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. My God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2

I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God is my strength, He is also my song, and He has become my salvation.
Psalm 118:13-14

Thank you for your love, thank you for your faithfulness. Most holy is Your name, most holy is Your word. The moment I called out, You stepped in; You made my life large with strength.
Psalm 138:2-3

I ask God to strengthen you by His Spirit – not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength. That Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite Him in.
Ephesians 3:16-17a

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

Eve cried out, “With the help of the Lord, I have brought forth a man.”
Genesis 4:1b

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on Me, I will answer.”
Psalm 91:14-15

I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
Psalm 34:1

Monday, March 3, 2014

Nothing Yet: 39w3d

Just checking in to say no baby yet. Just this morning I had a very early labor sign, so I'm holding out hope (and saying so many prayers) that he will be arriving this week.

As for Friday's  midwife appointment, all is well. Heart rate is great. I gained 0.8 pounds. Fundal height has lowered to 37, so Aaron has definitely dropped. I did ask for an internal exam and, after some back and forth with the midwife, was given one: 50% effaced and a fingertip dilated. Which is what I expected. I ended up having some good cramping later in the day but that tapered off into nothing.

R and I had the opportunity to go on a date Friday night (thanks, Mom!) and had a lovely evening together. Saturday was groceries and a little bit of baby shopping with my Mom. Sunday at church was great and then Mom and I took Little K shopping for warm weather clothing. Been keeping up with our 2 mile walks and sitting on the birth ball every spare minute.

Please, Lord, let him be born this week!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Link Share: Why Miscarriage Matters

The Lewis Note:Why Miscarriage Matters When You're Pro-Life was a part of Mel's Weekly Roundup this past week. Wow, what a post!

As requested by the author, this post touched my heart and I want to share the link with you. A very moving post about grieving loss, whether by human decision or God's design. Thank you, Rachael, for writing this.

In addition, her husband, Ryan, wrote in 2012 about mourning loss from a male perspective. Another well written and honest post.